A Couple’s Journey through Alzheimer’s

The Majesty of Your Loving: A Couple’s Journey Through Alzheimer’s
by Olivia Ames Hoblitzelle

Paperback * 314 pages
$16.95

Green Mountain Books
ISBN 978-0-9793218-0-1

Buy the book

“I stand in awe of Olivia’s honesty, determination, courage, and, if she doesn’t mind my saying so, of the majesty of her loving, not just of Hob, but of life, and of hard-won integrity. I also stand in awe of her gentle voice as both writer and teacher.”

— from the Foreword by Jon Kabat-Zinn

Zinn’s words point to the crux of this unique memoir. Having made, along with her husband, a commitment to face the diagnosis of Alzheimer’s “consciously and lovingly,” the author shares what it takes to respond with creativity and kindness while watching the slow disintegration of her husband’s mental faculties. It is a challenge that takes everything and gives in return a level of compassion rarely seen. Olivia Hoblitzelle and her husband, known as “Hob” to his students, is not only a writer but a therapist and teacher whose dedication to help alleviate suffering associated with Alzheimer’s and dementia no doubt stems from her 30+ years practicing Buddhist meditation.

As she struggles to understand Hob’s increasingly confused speech, Olivia makes a discovery that lightens her task. A lifelong student and teacher of literature, Hob miraculously is still able to recite snippets of poems, plays, and songs to communicate his thoughts and feelings. This he does even as the thief of memory is dismantling the works. And yet despite their shared strength and frequent good humor in facing Hob’s fatal illness, the couple succumb at times to just the sort of resentful thoughts and angry feelings you’d expect to be evoked by a challenge of this magnitude. The author’s willingness to “go there” and to share how she worked with these thoughts and emotions will be of immeasurable benefit to anyone facing the mental diminishment of a loved one.

Despite Olivia’s honesty, some readers may have trouble believing that anyone could act with such consistent and purposeful kindness, moment by moment. To them I would recommend looking into Buddhist study and practice. Excellent sources from all branches of Buddhist teaching now exist in English, concerning the timeless themes introduced in The Majesty of Your Loving. This ancient guidance includes compassion practice, or tonglen, forgiveness practice, and the practice of mindfulness, as well as the clear light meditation for the time of death.

Olivia Ames Hoblitzelle is eminently practical in treating the subject of her memoir. Eldercare support groups, clergy, and end-of-life counselors will appreciate Olivia’s reflections, discussion questions, and contemplative “seed thoughts” that appear at the end of each chapter, as well as her well-appointed Appendices and Bibliography. The book offers down-to-earth guidance for those intent on giving heartfelt care to friends or relatives suffering from dementia, extending even to care for loved ones in death.

Above all, this book reveals a loss deeply lived, one from which the author has surely wrung every last drop of wisdom. Besides being a fine resource, this book is so elegantly and tenderly written that certain passages seem literally to penetrate the heart.

Ceci Miller owns CeciBooks, an editorial and book publishing consultancy that empowers authors to write, publish, and market irresistible books that uplift and inspire. Ceci has written, co-authored, and edited books with bestselling authors and experts since 1988. See book projects here.

A graduate of the University of Iowa Writer’s Workshop, Ceci Miller is also the author of two published children’s picture books, and former contributing editor for Darshan, an international magazine dedicated to fostering sacred awareness in daily life. A student of yoga and meditation since 1976, Ceci leads seminars that explore language as a vehicle for personal transformation. Based on her book Sacred Visitations, winner of the Bronze IPPY Award in Spirituality, and the popular book she co-authored with John Lee, Writing from the Body: For Writers, Artists & Dreamers, Ceci’s work (both with CeciBooks authors and in public programs) blends writing and intuitive guidance with contemplative practices that connect your right brain creativity with your true intention.